break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
