I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Pants are for mortals
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
