Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
