so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
