Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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