We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
