I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
