Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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