So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
