I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I fill condoms, not promises.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
