it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
