yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
