sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
