Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
try to milk me bitch
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