it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
