I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
