You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
