I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
