i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
