Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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