Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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