That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
