I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
