Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
