If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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