Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
