I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
