he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
