She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
