you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
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he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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