My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
