Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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