Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
