Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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