You just made me feel so damn special
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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