Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
