Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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