he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
