I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
