Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
