dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize