So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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