So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I want to be your penis for a week.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
