she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
