This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
