he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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