maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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