i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
