Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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