I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Still dying that you shit outside
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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