Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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