How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
