I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
that's an acceptable place to lick
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
