p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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