Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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