Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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