i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
