thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
