Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
