they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
