All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
