trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You are a genius and a whore.
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