That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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