He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
