he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
