dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
