I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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