I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I have already put on my inside pants.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
