My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
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I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
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Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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