: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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