"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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