so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
