I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
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