i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
