Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I am naked and annoyed.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
